


With or Without You

by RainbowsEnd13



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean being a cuddly bear, F/M, Fire, Firefighter!Dean, Mentions of Death, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Reader Insert, some graphic images
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-25 19:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4972723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowsEnd13/pseuds/RainbowsEnd13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and the reader used to date. That was until the reader's house caught fire by some mysterious accident. She was left hospitalized and orphaned (so to speak, she's eighteen). Dean was mad that he wasn't able to save them and went to the hospital only to find that the reader is gone. He hasn't seen her in five years until there's a knock on his door and standing in the rain is the reader.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Never Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This originally wasn't going to be a series but I just liked it too much and I wanted to see it go farther! This will probably be super angsty and I apologize for that. I hope you like it and if you have any requests/suggestions/comments go to my tumblr (scar-crossed-lover) or leave a comment here! I will reply ASAP. Thank you for reading!

It was roughly one o'clock in the morning when Dean woke to a knock at his door. He got up from his slumber and cracked the door open. Though not before grabbing a pistol just in case. 

He stood in surprise as Y/N stood before him getting drenched from the downpour. 

"Y/N?"

"Hey."

"What are you doing he- wait, come inside, come inside." Dean ushers Y/N into his house and closes the door. "What are you doing here?" 

She wraps her arms around herself and looks at the ground. "I um..I was driving and it got late and started pouring and I knew you lived close so I was wondering if I could stay but I can leave I don't want to impose-" 

Her rambling was cut off by Dean grabbing her shoulders and lifting her face up, "Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. What's wrong? What's going on?"

Y/N holds herself back from tears and replies, "I just..everything is okay. I'm.. I'm good."

Dean mentally called bullshit because he didn't want to push the matter. "Okay well let's get you out of these drenched clothes." 

Dean leaves Y/N in the front hallway while he goes to his room. He comes back with a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. 

"I know they are kinda big but these are all I have. If it bothers you, I can go pick up something else." 

"Thank you." Y/N replied, "I'll keep my t-shirt. It's not wet."

"Right, okay." Dean blushes slightly and hands the pants to Y/N. She accepts them graciously.

"The bathroom is down the hall. If you give me your wet clothes when you're done I can put them in the dryer." 

Y/N nods and walks to the bathroom to change. Dean goes into his room to return the shirt. After five years of not seeing a glimpse of Y/N here she is making him blush over the stupidest things. 

"Dean, I'm done." Dean hears her tentative voice and snaps out of his trance. He walks to the bathroom and sees Y/N with her clothes bundled up to her.

"Let me take those. No point in getting you wetter." Dean placed the clothes in the dryer on low and walked back to where Y/N stood. 

"Do you want to dry your hair or anything?"

"I'm good."

"Uh okay." Dean grabs his neck. "Well um, let me show you to your room." Dean and Y/N walk slowly down the hall until they get to the guest bedroom. 

"So um here we are, "Dean says as he looks at the ground trying to hid his blushing, "if you need anything feel free to wake me up." 

He goes to walk away but he is briefly stopped by a whispered thank you. Dean just nods his head and goes to his room. 

He lays on his bed. Why am I acting like a school boy? Jesus, she's just a friend that needed a place to stay. He tells himself these sentences in several variations until he finally falls back asleep. However, he is awakened a few hours later by a sharp scream.

Dean jolts up in his bed and locates the origin of the scream. 

It's coming from Y/N's room. He runs in there and finds her thrashing in her bed yelling and crying. He shakes her shoulders to wake her up and her eyes spring open. Y/N looks like a frightened, caged dog. Her eyes are wide, her skin is moistened by the night terror sweat, tears cleaned lines down her cheeks, and her breathing is harsh and rapid.

"Y/N. Y/N. Y/N!" Dean yells at her to get her attention. Y/N's gaze snaps to him and she busts into tears again. 

"Hey, hey! It's okay!" Dean climbs into bed with her and pulls her against his chest. Slowly, he starts to run his fingers through her hair. "Breath with me."

Their inhalations begin to sync and Y/N's sobs fade away. 

"Can you tell me what happened?" Dean asks quickly following up with, "only if you want to."

"The fire."

Y/N didn't have to say much more because Dean's mind immediately went to that night in December five years ago. Somehow a fire started in Y/N's house when she was eighteen. Everyone in the house but her died in the fire. Dean was on call that night. He tried to get to the house fast enough but by the time the firefighting team showed up most of the damage was already done. Dean tried to run into see if Y/N was still in there but his friend Benny stopped him. He was too close to the situation. Benny went in there to find a screaming Y/N looking at the dead bodies of her parents. 

When Benny carried her out she was thrashing. The medical team found out that she had mild burns and smoke inhalation so she would be hospitalized for a few days. It could have been worse. It could have been much worse. Dean beat himself up that whole night. If only he was there. If only he could have saved his girlfriend's family. But he couldn't. He didn't. 

He went to go visit Y/N in the hospital the next day, but she was gone. And that was the last he saw of her until five years later. And she's crying in his arms.

Dean hugs her tighter and puts his head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." 

"Dean..." Y/N turns around in his embrace and hugs him back, "it's not your fault.."

"If I could've gotten there faster-"

"Dean! Stop!" Y/N let's go and glares at him. Dean hangs his head and nods. A few moments pass and he moves to get up. Y/N looks at him with a surprised look but consoles her, "come with me."

She reluctantly follows, grabbing his hand when he extends it to her. They make it to the door of Dean’s room and Y/N pulls her hand away.

“Dean... what are you doing?” She wraps her arms around herself. 

Dean smiles reassuringly to her, “You’re sleeping with me.”

Y/N’s eyes go wide and she starts to back away, “Dean…”

Dean nervously chuckles and grabs his neck, “I meant like actually sleeping.”

Y/N shakes her head at herself and grabs Dean’s hand again. They walk into the room and Dean flips back the blankets. They lay down and Dean pulls Y/N to his chest. It takes several moments for Y/N to finally relax, her heart beat and breathe syncing with Dean’s. That was the first night in five years that Y/N slept without waking up from a nightmare.


	2. Photograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean asks Y/N why she left so long ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got angsty REAL QUICK. I hope you like it. Send me suggestions if you got something specific you want.

Dean was awakened by the sun peaking through the wooden blinds. He looked down to the woman he had pressed to his chest and he remembered the rough night before. It caused him to pull Y/N closer to him earning a dissatisfied groan. Dean smiles at the noise and kisses her head.

Y/N flutters her eyes open and then jolts up. 

Dean places a hand on her back, “What’s wrong?”

“I need to leave. I..I'm sorry about last night but I should go.”

“Y/N, don’t leave. It’s Sunday. We could just stay in bed.”

“But I don’t want to bother you. You have things to do and you probably don’t want me here.”

“Y/N, now hold on.” Dean grabs her shoulders so that she’s looking at him, “If I didn’t want you here I wouldn’t have opened the door last night. And I have no plans for today. Please, just, just stay?”

Y/N’s eyes travel downward and again she wraps her arms around herself. She nods and lays down with Dean to curl back into him. Dean hugs her tighter and then they drift back into sleep.

Y/N wakes up again but this time from a growling stomach. She looks over at the clock on Dean’s bedside table and sees that it’s 10:12. A perfect time for brunch.

“Dean,”she says shaking his shoulder, “Dean.”

“Five more minutes.”

“Deaaaaan.”

Dean lifts his head and peaks through cracked eyelids. Y/N giggles, his hair is a ruffled mess. “mmmmm, what is it?”

“I’m starving.” 

Dean smirks, remembering how much Y/N actually eats and how much she loves food, “Brunch?” he asks.

“Brunch.”

Dean smiles again.

“Hey, do we need to pick you up some clothes?”

“No, I have a bag in the car.” 

“Okay. I’ll grab that from your car and you go ahead and have the first shower, yeah?”

Y/N nods.

As Dean gets up to grab her bag, he smiles. She is still tentative, but the old her is starting to come out again. He’s glad that he could bring that out.

When he got back from the car, Dean went to place Y/N’s bag in the bathroom but he was stopped by her voice. 

Lovin can heal  
Lovin can mend your soul  
And it’s the only thing I know

I swear it will get easier  
Remember that with every piece of you  
And it’s the only thing we take with us when we die  
We keep this love in a photograph  
We kept these memories for ourselves  
Where our eyes are never closed  
Hearts were never broken  
Time’s forever frozen still

Dean smiles and places her bag on the bathroom floor. He closes the door and walks to his room. The only thing running through his mind is maybe Y/N still loves him.

*

 

“Dean, my dad will catch you.” Y/N says before she gives Dean another kiss.

“I don’t care, Y/N.” Dean says as he climbs through her window into her room. Dean climbed the rose trellis in the middle of the night to surprise his girlfriend.

He picks her up and places her on the bed. He situates himself over her and he kisses her. His rough lips clash with her soft ones, both of them in absolute heaven. Y/N brings her hands to the hem of his shirt and under it. Her fingers roam the hard muscles of his stomach. Dean smirks and takes the item off so Y/N has more access.

Y/N smiles and pulls him down for another kiss, his hand going to knead one of her breasts. Y/N’s hands claw at Dean’s back, dragging them along the muscular surface causing lines to show. 

Dean goes to take Y/N’s shirt off when the two hear someone coming up the stairs, “Y/N, I need to talk to you.” her dad calls.

Both of them whisper shit as Dean gets off of Y/N and grabs his shirt. He runs to the window but is stopped by Y/N who pulls him into a kiss. Dean can’t help but smile. They’re on the verge of being caught but she still can’t help herself. 

“Bye, Dean.”

“Later, baby.”

*

 

Dean smiles at the memory and rummages through his closet to find a box. He opens it up and sits on the bed. Looking at the almost forgotten memories, a tear falls from his eye. In his hands are pictures of Y/N. Her smiling in the morning sun, her hair brightened by the beams. Her laughing with Dean and Sam. Her and Dean kissing in the back of the Impala. 

“Dean, what’s that?” comes from the doorway.

Dean slams the lid back on the box and jumps up from the bed.

“Uh, it’s nothing. I’ll be dressed in a minute.”

Y/N raises an eyebrow, but closes the down and leaves him to change. Something’s up with him. She shrugs and waits on the couch.

Dean comes out a minute later and grabs his keys, “ready to go?”

“Yes, sir.”

 

They got back from their pleasant brunch and sit on the couch talking. 

The conversation was lighthearted and fluid until the sun went down and Dean asks, “Why did you leave?”

“What?”

“Why did you leave?” Dean asks again.

Y/N’s arms wrap around herself and she says, “Dean, I…” she looks down, unsure how to say what she wants.

“Y/N, please. The past five years I had no idea where you were let alone if you were alive. I..” Dean looks at his hands, “I loved you.”

Y/N’s eyes shoot up and she stares at him for a moment trying to create a coherent sentence. “You loved me?”

Dean gets up and scoffs,”Y/N, I still do. You broke my heart when you left and now you’re back and I’m afraid you might do it again.”

You see tears form in his eyes and you lose it as well. Tears fall freely from your face. 

“Dean, I...I loved you, too. I never wanted you to let me go but I had to leave.” Dean turns slightly so that he can see you better. “The fire wasn’t an accident.”

Dean’s brow shoots up and his looks at you incredulously. “Yes it was it was deemed so by the fire chief.”

“No, Dean. It was arson. And I...I…” Y/N’s words were started to waiver as her sobs interrupt her speech, “someone that was screwed over by my family went out for blood and wanted us dead. I knew that if I stayed, you would make me stay with you and I didn’t want you to die. I wanted to keep you safe and that...that was the only way I knew how. So I left. I just wanted to keep you safe. I didn’t want you dead.” The last couple of sentences were barely audible, Y/N hiding her face in her hands, tears soaking her face.

“Y/N,” Dean’s voice barely a whisper, “why’d you come back?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were my everything so when I found out the man was killed in a shootout, I dropped everything to find you. I need you Dean.” Y/N looks up her eyes bloodshot, her whole body shaking, “I needed to know if you needed me too.”

Dean crosses the room in two steps and he sits down pulling Y/N to his chest. Tears were falling from his face now, too. “Y/N, I needed you the moment I met you.” His voice is shaky and is on the verge of breaking. Y/N burrows her forehead to his chest and relaxes her breath to match his. 

“Fuck this teenage angst.” She says earning a slight chuckle from Dean. 

Dean lets go a little bit and lifts Y/N’s chin. “I am never letting you go again.”


End file.
